mystory

The summer 2008, I was mostly focused on finalizing the sale of the home I had just bought on MY OWN for me and my 2 young girls. Delay after delay... we were just excited to be in a home of our own insteading of a rental.

In early June, I was taking a shower and noticed a bump on my right breast. I went to work that day and mentioned it to my boss, whose mother is a breast cancer survivor. He told me call the Dr now. I was going to wait a few days to see what happened but at his insistence, I called now while he sat and supported me. His encouragement really let me follow my instincts - I knew something was not right but questioned myself.

The nurse suggested I wait a cycle or two since in April my mammogram was "normal" and I had just had a full exam with the doctor. I declined... I asked to be seen as soon as possible.

I went to the Dr a few days later. He said, maybe its a cyst since you have no family history, you are only 40 and had a healthy exam 2 months ago. Want to wait, he said, or have a sonogram? I said sonogram, and I will wait in the waiting room until someone is available to do that sonogram today. That sonogram suggested I see a surgeon.

A few weeks later, I met the surgeon who told me he HAD to biopsy it but only because the radiologist who read my sonongram suggested it. He said it looks like nothing to me.

A few weeks later, a biopsy and a visit for results. Even at the biopsy, the surgeon said, this looks like nothing, try not to worry. So I went to the pre-scheduled results alone.

One day before I was to move into the new house I just bought, I was told I had triple negative invasive ducticle carcinoma. A fairly rare, very fast growing type of stupid dumb breast cancer. I sat there, alone while the doctor told me about treatment, and how important it was that we move quickly.

Had I waited, it could have doubled in size. Had I waited, it could have invaded my lymphnodes. Had I waited my prognosis could have been grim. Before I found out I was stage one, the doctor said I only had a 40% chance of seeing my oldest daughter graduate from high school in 7 years.

I had more tests than I can count, 3 surgeries for just a lumpectomy, 8 rounds of chemotherapy and 42 radiation treatments.

I am happy, healthy and vibrant today. I am strong today. I am courageous today. I live my life to the very fullest with so much gratitude, knowing how close I was to dying.

Check yourself... be proactive... it doesn't matter if you are 40 and with no family history... just do it.

Is going back to Pilates a good idea?

I am going to take the anticipation out of this on... YES... YES you should.

I am even going to give you 10 good reasons:

10. Its not just a fad. Pilates has been a great form of exercise since like 1950 or something

9. It works on your core. And without your core you can't do anything well. Not even sit comfortably. So even couch potatoes can benefit from strengthening their core. You can't get up quick to get that next snack without a strong core!

8. Its not boring. Some forms of Pilates focus on a Mat routine while others incorporate props or other interesting fun stuff to keep it interesting. 

7. Almost anyone can do it. The goal is perfection but there are so many modifications anyone can get started. I was horrible at it last night and couldn't get near to picture perfect, but let me tell you I feel it today. Just preparing for the pose is exercise in itself.

6. If you wear the kind of clothes they recommend - you really know how out of shape you are. This is not come in baggy sweatpants kind of workout. I could see every single bump, bulge... its like truth serum for your eyes. No denying I need to get exercising. 

5. You are so busy looking at your form in the mirror, you can't watch anyone else. Therefore, no one else can watch you. You are a fool in private in a crowd. How awesome is that!

4. You can feel the results quickly. I know I won't have washboard abs by the end of the month but each time I can slowly feel stronger and definitely more flexible.

3. I want to keep this a PG sort of rating ... mostly, but imagine what increased flexibility will do for my "love life"! 

2. Even though its not a team sport kind of thing, there is a lot of support in yoga and pilate groups. Every seems to be really happy to see you in a calm but loving way. 

1. Just do it... you will be glad you did.

I sure am. I tried being a runner. Maybe 10 or 15 lbs from now my body will tolerate that. Pilates and Yoga are called practice... because that is what it is about. Me practicing and getting better at my own level and pace. I thought for sure I would feel like an outcast because I am so week and inflexible from lack of doing much of anything really but I feel so empowered already. I was really quite awful at it but everyone was encouraging and had been where i was before but they look great now. 

I am very much looking forward to having this practice become a regular part of my health journey. You should come too... Here's to a great day! :)

Today is my first day of blogging...

Not completely sure what I want to write about, but I do know that I want to journal my recovery from being just a survivor to being a "Thriver". 

I ended my chemotherapy almost 4 years ago, and my radiation nearly 3 1/2 years ago. I want my life to be as full of energy and life as it used to be.

I have started on my pink road to being Happy, Healthy and getting back that energy I used to have.

Today is day 3 actually.  

Here are my week one goals:
1. Start the pilates class - just go! don't be afraid of how inflexible I am or how much strength I have lost... just go to class.
2. Follow the Isagenix routine, at least moderately. So far so good. Since Saturday I am down 3 lbs. 
3. Create a calendar for the first 2 weeks of November that include at least 3 work out days and one day of complete rest. 

I find myself trying to do it all still and being lousy at it. Maybe I was good at it once upon a time, but now it just exhausts and frustrates me. My house is a mess, my diet is in shambles, I feel tired and fat all the time, no one understands where the "me" i used to be went to (not even me). 

I have to find a way to find me and find my way back. I need to learn to say no. I need to learn to take care of me first. 

I will get there. I just don't know how yet and somehow I have to be ok with that not knowing.

Following myself on here... venting, seeing some progress and some regression... I hope all the writing helps me make sense of it all.